Ask the Misfortune Teller: More Search Terms



Ask the Misfortune TellerThe search terms people use to find my blog never cease to amuse or bewilder me.  In many cases, it is obvious that my blog did not give these inquisitive folks the answers they sought, but I hope that it entertained or maybe even enlightened them a little, if they took the time to look around here.

I mentioned  a few of my favorite search terms in my previous post, Ask the Misfortune Teller: Amusing Search Terms, and here are a few more search terms that made me laugh or gave me pause within the last three weeks.

(1)  “how to kill a mockingbird”

I don’t know how to kill a mockingbird, and my blog does not provide such instructions, but this search made me wonder whether this person was looking for a tongue-in-cheek review of Harper Lee’s classic work, such as this one on Amazon (click on it for a clearer image):

Not A Good Tutorial (w border)_Amazon Review of To Kill A Mockingbird

Normally, I would cringe at the thought of giving a novel a one-star review as a joke, as I assume this review is, but Harper Lee’s classic novel about racial prejudice and injustice in the American South is so impervious to criticism after 50+ years that reviews like this do no harm.

On this blog, I have written about Harper Lee here: Illiteracy and the Digital Divide: The Difference Between Soft Pages and Cold Metal.

(2)  “am i a identical female twin for a reason?”

I do not know whether this person was looking for a medical description of identical twinning (monovular separation) or for thoughts on a philosophical purpose behind it.  Either way, my book blog is unhelpful, though I do write about identical twins, specifically my five-year-old daughters.  For example, there’s this post, Sisterly Love: Reflections on Twinship, where I also discuss Abigail Pogrebin’s memoir, One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and Everyone’s Struggle to be Singular.

So-called identical twins, who really aren’t identical even if they came from the same assortment of genes, are fascinating and wonderful, and it is apparent that many of my readers think so based on the high number of twin-related search terms this blog receives.

(3)  “i did not type that crap in my history”

If it wasn’t you, then who?  I have no idea.  All I can say for sure is that it wasn’t me.

(4)  “the misfortune of knowing prematurity”

I wonder if this person was looking specifically for my blog.  Maybe, maybe not, but either way I do know a thing or two about “the misfortune of knowing prematurity.”  As I’ve written on this blog, my twins are micropreemies.   Even my third daughter is a preemie, born at 34 weeks.  There’s a world of difference between delivering at 34 weeks (a 5 lb 13 ounce baby) and delivering at 26 weeks (twins, 1 lb 10 oz & 2 lbs).

My twins spent their first 78 days in the NICU. Those three months were torture, and we spent a long time wondering whether prematurity would have long-lasting effects on our daughters’ cognitive and physical abilities, but there is a silver lining.  I am a stronger, more compassionate person than I was before motherhood crept up on me a full trimester too soon.  Oddly enough, I have more positive memories of the NICU than negative ones now.  Last year, a fellow preemie mom I met on an online forum quoted me (under my nickname, Malie) on the subject in her insightful post, retitled Moving Beyond the Trauma of Preterm Birth.

So, perhaps preterm birth is not all “misfortune,” given enough time and a happy ending.

On this blog, I have written about my twins’ experience here:

(1)  They Aren’t Babies Anymore (and I Wish They Still Were)

(2)  Two Types of Christmas

So, that’s it for now.  Have you had any interesting search terms lately?

25 thoughts on “Ask the Misfortune Teller: More Search Terms

  1. Lol, those are hilarious, thanks for sharing! Here are some of mine:
    erynnman
    tired kitty
    stay strong
    Though most are pretty spot-on, and I can see how they led to my blog. Which gives me comfort that I’m tagging appropriately or coming up easily on search engines!

    1. You raise a good point about tagging and drawing in the most appropriate readers off of search engines. I’m always struggling with tags, though I think the weirdest search terms are the ones for which Google had no idea where to send them!

  2. I read the book Woman at Point Zero because someone arrived at my review of Breath, Eyes, Memory by searching for “compare breath eyes memory and woman at point zero”. I never really compared the two, but there must be a teacher out there somewhere who assigns this as an essay topic because I got a bunch of searchers for comparisons between those two books during a one week span in the fall.

  3. I wonder if number 3 got caught in their search history looking for something bad…I got “how to find out who writes reviews on amazon”, which I have no answer.”Good simly for spiraling out of control”–my answer, there is no good simile for that. Don’t use a simile. “2012 agents wanting dystopian”, no answer for that. I’m not an agent! It’s always find to look at search terms!

    1. Those are funny searches. I bet lots of people would want to know who writes amazon reviews, but its anonymity (if the reviewer chooses it) is probably why so many people chime in there!

  4. Most of the search terms people use to find my blog are boring and predictable, but this one made me cringe a little: “my dr punctured my uterus during a sonohistogram”
    In my opinion, that means it’s time to find a new doctor.

    1. Hi! It’s nice to “see” you again, this time on WP. That is a very sad search term, and I hope they do find a new doctor (and, because I’m a lawyer, I have to say I also hope they consider getting their medical records and assessing their legal options within the statute of limitations!).

      I hope you and your family have been doing well!

  5. I haven’t had any really funny ones but I have had people search for the full names of ancestors I am writing about. It just makes me wonder who these people are AND have they tried to contact me to share family information. The searches are so precise. It does leave me hanging!

    1. Plus, it was a joke on The Simpsons: “And I swore never to read again after ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ gave me no useful advice on killing mockingbirds. It did teach me not to judge a man based on the color of his skin, but what good does that do me?” By the way, that episode is a pretty funny one about Marge writing a romance novel.

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